OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
