drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
