this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
