I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
