I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize