I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
