I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Randomize