I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
