Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
