You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
