Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
