TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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