The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
