dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize