Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
