So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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