I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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