South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
