you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
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