I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
