My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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