The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
