when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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