If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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