I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize