So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
