I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
