They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Let the clothes fall where they may.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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