Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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