Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Randomize
