glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
