I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize