Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
