I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
