There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
