I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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