I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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