if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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