I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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