I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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