I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
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