i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
