i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Randomize
