true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize