Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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