So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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