Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
