I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Are my feet made of real feet?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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