I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
