i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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