Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
this hospital has no fireball
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
