I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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