Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
