Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
