If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
