He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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