Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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