to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
