ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
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