Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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