Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
