Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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