your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
