She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
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