I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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