as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
