I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Can I color on your dick again?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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