You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
