im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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