It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
