and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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