i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
