never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
bring money and cleavage
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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