Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
