M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You pole danced in your parka.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
